Gifts You’d Rather Not Open, But He’s Waiting…

When someone you love calls to tell you they’ve had 2 scans because of a spot on their chest and are in process of scheduling a third, the air seems to leave your chest and your gut ties itself in a not.

Or maybe that’s just me.  My mind has been a fog since.  One minute I’m reminding myself we don’t know anything definite and the next my chest caves in as I block out the picture of a world without her.  That world seems forever away and nearly impossible.

I just read a chapter in a book about fear of death and my pastor preached a sermon that included the same fear.  But that fear has a different face when the one wearing it doesn’t know Christ.

My quiet time today included these verses:

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 “This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.  For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”

Psalm 42:5-6 “Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.  My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you…”

Choosing life today, and choosing to remember You…
#74 Being able to love our little one through a messy night
#75 Phone minutes shared with friends
#76 Overage charges on the phone bill
#77  Candlelit worship
#78 The one who comes home to me every evening
#79 Communion
#80 Gray October days
#81 Hard phone calls
#82 Prayer
#83 Hope
#84 The Gospel
#85 The hardest one…that scary spot on her chest
Thank you, Lord, for these.

A Lingering Gift…

“Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead.  

So they gave a dinner for him there.  Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table.  Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair.  The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

But Judas Iscariot, one of His disciples (he who was about to betray Him), said, “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” ‘
John 12:1-5

“Jesus therefore came to Bethany…” He knew there was a plot to kill Him.  He knew He was nearing the end of His life on earth.  Trouble was waiting for Him in Jerusalem and before He walked into it He came here.  To Bethany.  To friends.  To the ones He wept with.  The ones who loved Him.

But the betrayer was there, lurking in this otherwise peaceful picture.  A reminder of what was to come.  Did Judas know yet what he would do as he considered the money being wasted on Jesus’ feet?

“Mary…anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet wit Her hair.”  Before Jesus went to Jerusalem He was able to rest with friends.  To be loved on.  To be well fed.  To be celebrated.  As Mary is bending at His feet, Jesus knows the gift. He wasn’t complaining about what was to come.  He wasn’t stewing in misery.  He wasn’t telling them about what He would have to endure.  He was reclining with Lazarus and being cared for by Mary.  What a precious moment to have before He entered His walk to the cross where He was:

arrested
questioned
beaten
mocked
crucified.

Just before all of this was one moment of

acceptance
belief
care
love
fellowship.

“The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.”  A lingering gift.  Grace to bask in before the crowds came.  A gift to carry as he entered His last days on earth.

Here is my offering of thanks today.  May it grow as I learn to smell the sweet perfume of daily grace…
#64 “Accidental” dinner date with a couple who can’t help but encourage and give life
#65  Inductive Bible study
#66 Another mom to read and grow with
#67 The delight my little one has with her sweet friend Caleb
#68 A growing husband…like a weed these days
#69 A day in a room filled with four-year-olds
#70 A quiet day after a day in a room filled with four-year-olds
#71 Heated seats in chilly October
#72 The possibility of potty training
#73 Gifts given without expectance
Thank you, Lord, for these… 

Stopping To Say Thank You…

My daughter and I were toddling along the library sidewalk on a warm golden Fall day recently.  She was taking in the scenery: her feet tapping the sidewalk, the rocks to our left, the doors ahead of us, the leaves falling all around us at a steady pace, the cars pulling into the parking lot behind us. And then, in what seemed to me to be a random thought she said…

“Ake yew Mama.”  Translation: Thank you Mama.  In three months she will be two years old.

I wondered…what is she thanking me for?  Bringing her to the library?  Holding her hand as we walked?  Keeping in step with her teeny tiny pink velcrow tennis shoes?  Or maybe she just likes the feel of the new words crossing her lips.

And my thoughts turned to the One who holds my hand.  Do I stop, in the middle of nothing, to say thank you?

Maybe she was simply basking in the wonder of what was around her.  The rocks that make that clacking sound she likes when she throws one on top of another. Those shoes she loves to wear now that she can walk in them.  The door she finally has enough balance to help open.  That sound she hears from the leaves that makes her say, “cwunchy weaf”.  And maybe she didn’t know who else to thank so she thanked me.

Lord, as I take care of this little one for You, I ask for wisdom to teach her naturally worshipping heart to worship You, and to thank You for the good gifts she sees every day.  

I count my own gifts from you today…
#55 Moments that seem to be nothing and turn into life lessons
#56 A child who seems to be amazed by your creation all day long.  She reminds me to be amazed too.
#57 A cool-ish head in an emergency
#58 For keeping Anna breathing as I drove her to the doctor
#59 For a husband who extends grace over and over
#60 Hot dogs on the grill
#61  Body Step and Roxie
#62 The return to Fall after a week of Summer in October
#63 A quiet night at home
Thank you, Lord, for these…

Remember And Do Not Fear…

Genesis 32:9-12
And Jacob said, “O god of my Father Abraham and God of my Father Isaac, O Lord who said to me, ‘Return to your country and your kindred, that I may do you good,’ I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant, for with only my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps.  Please deliver me from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, that he may come and attack me, the mothers with the children.  But you said, ‘I will surely do you good, and make your offspring as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.’”

Jacob was afraid, but he remembered what God had told him and he was able to move forward.  He knew his brother was probably harboring anger and resentment against him and probably even believed Esau had the right to feel that way.  Whatever our thoughts, whatever our feelings, whatever our fear, we need only remember God’s own words to us and we may move forward…

Giving Thanks Today…

#45  New opportunities to learn and grow
#46  Finding someone with the same struggle as me.  Maybe I’m not the only one?  Sweet relief.
#47  Summer weather in October
#48  My 2 year old learning about God’s creation
#49  That we trust in God’s economy, not the world’s
#50  Exercise
#51  A fellowship of women who truly desire a spirit of encouragement, not competition.
#52  Husband home sick
#53  That there will be a day with no fear …maybe today!
Thank you, Lord, for these.

What Are You Afraid Of?

I received this question today as a preview to a book I am reading: What Women Fear. The challenge seems to be narrowing it to one…

I am afraid that in those weeks when grocery money seems scarce, there will be nothing.  I am afraid that when our one car sputters its last we will have no transportation.  I am afraid that if I offer my time or gifts to serve at our church I will fail.  I am afraid that when I fail I will make those I serve with look bad.  I am afraid that my family will not know the joy of a relationship with Christ as I do.  And I am afraid that my fear will keep me from becoming who God has purposed for me to be.

Ahh…when I look at these I see it.  The one thing.  I am afraid that God will not come through. That those things he promises aren’t really real.

I doubt he’ll provide.
I doubt I am usable.
I doubt he desires all to know his salvation.
I doubt I have value.
I doubt that he really works for the good of those who love him.
I doubt there is really something that I was created for.

The definition of insecurity in So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore is, “Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt–a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world.  Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships.”

Do you see it too?  All the time self is mentioned?  Don’t fear and insecurity both come from a wrong perspective?  When I am afraid, when I feel self-conscious, when I am uncertain, I am looking at me.  Not the Creator of me.  The Author of truth.  The One who knows my gifts and has created me for specific good works.  The One who has created me to know Him and to bring Him glory.  The One who takes dust and turns it into life.  The One who takes life and turns it into dust.

So as I enter this fear-facing journey I hope for a new perspective.  That like David I will truly be able to say,

“The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid?  Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.”

Amen, Lord.  Amen.

Continuing to give thanks this Monday…
#37 A week with no naps
#38 Return to napping
#39 My daughter taking steps all by herself
#40 Walking for an hour and a half around only one block
#41 Husband’s overtime
#42 Sharing life with friends
#43 Chocolate cake
#44 Facing fear with encouragement of others doing the same
Thank you Lord for these…