In the most recent chapter of What Women Fear I read this:
“We learn a great lesson by considering how Jesus lounged on the ship. Those around Him knew he could perform miracles, but when it came down to trusting in miracles for their own lives, the trust wavered. I see this more in my life; if someone is ill or fearful, I am the first one to encourage them to have faith. But if it is me, I tend to believe He has fallen asleep.
At the heart of my fear is the burning question of whether or not I really matter to Him the way I want to believe I do.
I don’t doubt God created the heavens and the earth, nor do I doubt that he raised men from the dead and sits at the right hand of the Father. These are all big things for a big God.
But I am little in the hand of a big God and I fear He will not be able to make His fingers small enough to hold onto me.”
I’ve written about this before. The idea that I can believe that God’s Word is true, that He is who He says He is, but feel like it’s true for everyone but me.
And Angie writes the question Jesus asked the disciples on the boat in the middle of the storm, “Where is your faith?” (Luke 8:25)
Where is my faith?
Is it in what I can accomplish?
Is it in how well I keep my house and play with my daughter?
Is it in how my husband responds to me?
Is it in the role I play at church?
Is it in the acceptance of my family?
Is it in my Bible study technique?
Is it in my friendships?
Often it is in all of these things. I suppose that’s why I doubt. I put my faith in people, in things, in appearances, and they always fall short.
“All…fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)
Somehow this seems to be a truth hard for me to latch onto as well. I know that people fall short but I find them so much easier to trust at times.
I know the enemy lies. He says, “Sure God did it for that person, but that doesn’t mean He’ll do it for you.” So I manipulate and try to work things out in my own way. Turns out I’m part of the “all who fall short.”
The truth is:
Today there is food on our table.
Today my husband has a job to go to.
Today we can pay the bills in our mailbox.
Today my husband is on his way home to us.
Every day I open His Word and learn something new about who God is, who Jesus is, who the Holy Spirit is, who I am.
Every day I know I belong to Him.
Every day I know I was a sinner who has been redeemed by Jesus.
Every day I know He is doing a new work in me.
These are all acts of God in my life. Real tangible works that I see every day. And still I have moments, sometimes days of doubt. But, the Holy Spirit is working in me, opening my eyes to the truth and closing my ears to the lies. And I know that if I keep listening His voice will be the one I recognize and the only one I respond to.
Lord, when every fear, every question, every past failure causes me to doubt you, remind me to cling to Your Word and to keep clinging until I see the Truth worked out…